Annika (delighted): I've read your file and I must say, your impressive skills will be useful to us here! You ready to head out there and keep the streets safe?
Annika: But first, there are a few things I must address. You've been assigned to two partners. One of them is named Violet Windell but she's on vacation right now.
Annika (excited): You'll get to know her later but I'd like you to meet the one and only Dexter Alstott!
Annika (concerned): Hmm, that's weird. Normally he eavesdrops on me... Dexter! You can come in now! Where is that sneaky little bugger?
Dexter Alstott (as watermelon man): Whew, sorry about that. I had to chase a drug dealer down in this tight outfit. Who's the newbie, Chief?
Annika: Take that silly costume off, Dexter, and meet your new partner, <Rank> <Name>.
Dexter (in regular attire): Ah, pleasure to meet you, <Name>. I'm Dexter Alstott, mystery crime novelist turned homicide detective. I'm sure you read my books, everyone has.
Annika (crossing arms): Don't be so smug, Dexter. Why don't you show <Rank> <Name> around? It'll give you the opportunity to get to know each other better and the city as a whole.
Dexter (thrilled): Sure thing, Chief. Come on, <Name>. We're taking the fast car! Shotgun!
(Dexter runs away)
Annika (grinning): Have fun with him out there, <Name>. Stay safe!
At the park...
Dexter: What better place to see than the park? Isn't it just beautiful here, <Name>? The nicely cut grass, blooming flowers, fountain trickling water... who doesn't like coming here?
Dexter: This district is called Gost Yard. Don't be intimidated by the name, it's an okay place. There's plenty of nice scenes around here but you don't want to head to the dark side. That means you're off to Twilight Town.
Dexter: And trust me, that's a place you DON'T want to ever go. That's why I stay here where it's nice, safe, and ca-
Dexter (shocked): Oh my God, what is that in the fountain?! Um... <Name>, I think we have a mystery on our hands. We should take a closer look around.
Dexter: Oh boy, you join the police force five minutes ago and you're already faced with a murder investigation, <Name>!
Dexter: Wait, I know that man! That's Sal Fisher! He's a local fisherman who sells everybody around here fish that he catches. It's all he can do for a living.
Dexter: Let's ship the body off to our talented and might I add, hilarious, coroner. Trust me, <Name>, you're going to love Ina!
Dexter: Oh, you found a torn photo? There you go, <Name>! Nice work! Think you can repair this torn photo in five seconds? Five, four-
Sebastian Granville (smiling): Hola! Sabe usted dónde está el baño?
Dexter: Wait, what?
Sebastian (stumped): That doesn't work... Hmm... how about French? Salut! Savez-vous où la toilette est?
Dexter (serious): You're on a murder scene, pal, and we're going to have to interrogate you shortly!
Sebastian (confused): Not that one either... How about Swedish? Hallå! Vet du var toaletten är?
Dexter (frustrated): Speak English, sir! I have no idea what you're asking me but you're now a suspect in a murder investigation! <Name>, can you repair the photo while I deal with Mr. Multilingual over here.
Sebastian (shouting): Dia dhuit! An bhfuil a fhios agat cá bhfuil an leithreas? Kamusta! Alam mo ba kung saan ang toilet ay? Hello! Do you know where the toilet is?
Dexter (infuriated): Shut up! Is that what you've been asking me this whole time?! If you gotta pee, do it in the fountain or something!
Examine Torn Photo.
Dexter (thumbs up): Awesome work, partner! I can tell you're going to be a natural at this.
Dexter (perplexed): Huh, the photo shows our victim with someone playing the guitar... you know, I swear I've seen that guy before...
Dexter: You know what? We can use our database to identify the man who's next to our victim! Ooh, you're going to love this, <Name>!
Examine Unknown Man.
Dexter (cheering): Ah-ha! I knew you you could do this. So the man on the photo is Johnny Cashman.
Dexter: Oh, now I remember! He's that famous country singer! Doesn't he have a song called "Rain of Fire"? I think that's what he's most famous for.
Dexter (determined): Anyways, let's call him in and ask him how he knew our victim.
Ask Johnny Cashman about his relationship with the victim.
Dexter: Mr Cashman, we found this photo of you and a certain Sal Fisher together. He was murdered earlier today and we were wondering-
Johnny Cashman: Sal's dead?! Oh man, that sucks. Who'd want to harm such an innocent little fish guy?
Dexter: Um... did you know him?
Johnny: Kinda. I was at one of my concerts here and Sal came up on stage and performed with me. The guy had the time of his life.
Johnny: We weren't friends or nothin', he was just a big fan. Security almost threw him off'a the stage, silly guy. His singin' needed more work since he sounded like a depressed walrus.
Dexter (holding out card): Here's my card. If you know anything else, give us a call.
Johnny (confused): This is a card for that buffet.
Dexter (nervous): Ah, wrong card! Here.
Talk to Sebastian Granville about his presence on the crime scene.
Sebastian (scratching head): Czy jesteś pewien, że to mądry, aby odlać w fontannie?
Dexter (angry): Stop that! Speak English like you were a second ago!
Sebastian (surprised): English, okay! Sorry about that. Travel the world like me and you mix up the languages a bit. What were you saying about what I seen?
Dexter (gritting teeth): I asked you what you're doing on the murder scene! Sal Fisher was murdered in the fountain there!
Sebastian (annoyed): I just arrived here this morning in Greycott by plane. And I really stumbled on a murder scene? Awesome, what a way to start my day.
Sebastian (thinking): I was lost for a bit until some people directed me here to this nice park. But I don't know a Sal Fisher.
Sebastian: But I did see some suspicious activity at those beautiful bay gardens... maybe whoever killed him went there?
Dexter (confident): The bay gardens? <Name>, come on, we have to search that place!
Sebastian: Laki maikaʻi! I mean, good luck!
Investigate Bay Gardens.
(Before investigating Bay Gardens)
Dexter (fantasizing): Wow, look at this place. I wonder if I can move in here...
Dexter: Oh, sorry. We're here to solve a murder! Let's have a look around.
(After investigating Bay Gardens)
Dexter (wondering): I wonder if there are any monkeys living in these plants? Oh, what was that, <Name>? Sorry, just taking in the sights.
Dexter (smiling): You found a faded notepad? Sweet. Now all we have to do is use carbon powder to reveal what it entails. And by "we", I mean you, <Name>.
Dexter: That pile of dirt looks like somebody's trying to hide something. I don't want my hands getting dirty so could you sift through it?
Examine Faded Notepad.
Dexter (impressed): Wow. That took you how long to do? I would've given up, to be honest.
Dexter (holding notepad): Let's see what the notepad says. It reads, "That little piece of garbage in that dumb hat is going to pay for what he did, one way or another!"
Dexter: Yikes, seems like Sal got on someone's bad side. Who could've written this threatening message?
Dexter: Oh, I know! Our profiler will be able to do some Jedi mind stuff and figure out who did it! His name's Shane Watson and he has a buddy named Albert Holmes.
Dexter (laughing): No, I'm serious. He has a pet tarantula he named Albert Holmes. The perfect duo. Let's send this notepad to him.
Shane (grinning): Ah, you're the <Rank> <Name> the Chief told me about. I'm Shane Watson, humble profiler at your service. If you ever need anything, just swing by my office.
Dexter (sweating): How's Holmes doing, Shane? He looks like he's hungry judging by the way he's looking at me.
Shane (smiling): Oh, I just fed him some crickets. Would you like to pet him, <Name>? He doesn't bite... as long as you don't provoke him.
Dexter (eyes wide open): Oh... my... God...
Dexter (Holmes on shoulder): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Dexter runs out of the office)
Shane (laughing): Come here, Holmes... we're the perfect team. Yes, we are.
Shane: I know what you're thinking, <Name>. I'm creepy. Well, you're not wrong about that. Now that the fun's over, let's get to the handwriting.
Shane (thinking): The rounded letters tell me that whoever wrote this is creative and artistic. The dot over the "i" is right over it, indicating this person is organized, detail-oriented, and emphatic in what they do.
Shane (smiling): The letters themselves are slanted to the left, indicating that this person likes to keep to themselves and generally likes to work behind the scenes.
Shane: The pressure applied was excessively heavy, suggesting that this person is good with commitment and taking things seriously. They're also uptight and react quickly to criticism.
Shane (determined): All these factors only fit one person's profile: Naomi Bulbs. She's widely known for her invention of the hand socks. Pretty stupid invention if you ask me but hey, that's society for you.
Dexter (peeking from behind desk): Psst! <Name>, is Holmes gone?
Dexter (Holmes on face): GET HIM OFF!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Shane (laughing): This morning is going great so far. I think Holmes likes you, <Name>. Start feeding him and he'll love you. You got your new suspect so tell Dexter the news. See you later, <Name>.
Question Naomi Bulbs about her threatening message.
Naomi Bulbs: What do you cops want? I'm a very busy woman, you know? I got more hand socks to sell and places to be. <Rank> <Name>, what's wrong with your partner?
Dexter (shaking): Spiders... tarantulas... crickets... Shane... happy place...
Dexter (serious): Oh, um... it's nothing. <Rank> <Name> and I found a notepad with a threatening message on it addressed to Sal Fisher. We've done our research and we know it was you who wrote that threat!
Naomi (displeased): So? Am I supposed to care? Look, if you're going to continue wasting my time, I'm going to leave now.
Dexter (angry): Look here, Sal was murdered and this makes you suspect number one!
Naomi (infuriated): You think I killed that worthless fisherman?! How dare you accuse me of that? You're a sickly foolish imbecile and a myopic air-polluting manifestation of contraceptive personality!
(Naomi walks away)
Dexter (shouting): Try speaking English next time so I can understand that insult! Can you believe that woman, <Name>? Let's just continue with the investigation.
Examine Pile of Dirt.
Dexter: Splendid job, <Name>! You found our victim's hat in that pile of dirt?
Dexter (stumped): But wait... Sal ALWAYS wore that hat whenever I saw him. Do you think the killer came here to hide his hat?
Dexter (excited): Then we need to collect that yellowish substance on the hat! It may give us a clue as to who the killer is! You ready for collecting a sample of it?
Examine Victim's Hat.
Dexter (happy): Awesome! You do a better job at this than me! To be fair, I did join the police like two months ago...
Dexter: But whatever. Let's ship this unknown substance off to our forensic expert, Cato Delcourt, for analysis. I have to warn you, <Name>, he can be a bit... oh, you'll see.
Analyze Unknown Substance.
Cato (greeting): Salutations, <Name>. I'm Cato Delcourt and I handle all the forensic analyses here. This substance you gave me proved to be even more cheesier than Dexter.
Dexter (crossing arms): ...I'm the cheesiest person ever... My 5th grade medal can prove it.
Cato (smiling): You sure about that? Because gruyère and emmental are the two unique types of cheese that are in this substance.
Cato: These two cheeses melted together make the perfect recipe for a classic dish... fondue! Considering your victim was lactose intolerant and you found his hat away from the murder scene, this proves one thing.
Dexter (determined): That our killer eats fondue! Eugh, now I'm hungry. I knew I should've eaten that last twinkie... Let's add this to our killer's profile, <Name>.
Cato (winking): Oh Dexter. I heard about your drug bust earlier today. Next time, you should dress up as an M&M then run through the mall yelling "The skittles are coming!"
Cato (grinning): Good luck on your investigation, you two. Don't bring me more things to analyze because I probably won't end up doing it.
Autopsy Victim's Body.
Ina (happy): So this is the infamous <Rank> <Name> I've been hearing about. How are you? I'm Ina Khanna, the Chief Medical Examiner of the Greycott Police Department. Oh my gosh, I sound so cool and so official, right?!
Dexter (smiling): Don't you mean the coroner?
Ina (laughing): That's coming from the guy who complained about a hole in his donut!
Dexter (embarrassed): Hey, that was only one time!
Ina (serious): All right, <Name>. Let's get down to brass tacks here. Your victim was stabbed a total of sixteen times in the neck with a sharp object. He bled out in a matter of seconds.
Ina: I also found traces of champagne on your victim but NOT in his system. And get this, they were all over your victim's stab wounds. With all these factors, this means that your killer loves their expensive alcohol!
Dexter (impressed): Wow, sometimes I wonder how you never get fooled by these autopsies...
Ina (confused): Well, you know what they say: fool me once... shame... shame on you...
Ina (confused): You fool me, I can't get fooled again. That's how it goes, right, <Name>?
Ina: The point is that I never get fooled, okay? I hope <Name> doesn't bring me another body to autopsy... actually, I do, since... that's my job and how I make money... anyways, good luck out there you two!
Back at the office...
Dexter (in M&M costume): All right, <Name>. I'm rarin' to go to the mall. You ready to come with?
Dexter: Oh, Cato was just joking? But still, come on! Do you have any idea how hilarious this would be?
Annika (pointing finger): Dexter! What did I say about dressing up in those silly costumes?
Dexter: ...To go and do your job?
Annika (displeased): That's before! I'm talking about after! Take it off, you're in the middle of a murder investigation here, for crying out loud.
Annika (frustrated): <Rank> <Name>, recap what happened so far with Dexter. I need some serious yoga right about now.
Dexter (in regular attire): Sheesh. You'd think people can take a joke... What do we have so far, <Name>?
Dexter (disgusted): We discovered that our killer drinks champagne and eats fondue... sounds like a nasty combination. If I had that for dinner, I'd probably need like three boxes of laxatives.
Dexter (thinking): We talked to Sebastian Granville, the world traveller, who was frustrating to deal with but he claims he didn't know our victim. However, he did give us a lead.
Dexter: Johnny Cashman told us that Sal joined him in one of his concerts and butchered it. Our victim seemed to be quite the Johnny Cashman fan.
Dexter (facepalm): Then there's... I can't even say her name. That inventor. She just acted all smart and we didn't learn anything from her.
Dexter: Where do we turn to next, <Name>? Maybe we should-
Adena Geary (shouting): <Rank> <Name>! I need your help!
Dexter: Whoa, what? How do you know <Name>'s name? They just started their job!